The Top 5 Signs of Spring

Looking for signs of hope where there is none is what I do here at Infinite Monkeys. And there is no greater or more pathetic false hope than that of an early spring. The cold madness of February and March drives us to such insane extremes as tanning beds, alcoholism and the weather predicting prowess of small, fuzzy rodents.


Those of us attuned to the ebb and flow of pop culture, however, have been seeing some very real signs of spring these last few weeks. So put down the sleeping pills, untie the noose and take comfort in these five signs that summer is on its way. Or not. Better keep the pills handy, just in case....


1. Tim Horton's Roll up the Rim to Win Promotion

Caffine addicts all over the world (well, in Canada anyway) have long known that "Timmies" annual rim-rolling contest is a sure sign that the warm weather is right around the corner. Nothing says "spring" like sloshing scalding hot coffee all over yourself while unrolling a paper rim with your teeth. As Ralph Wiggum would say: "Tastes like burning!"



2. Movies start sucking a little less




Everybody knows that January and February are the dumping grounds for all of the studios unwatchable crap. As if being cold and depressed wasn't enough, we have to sit through Wild Hogs and Ghost Rider. It's like adding insult to injury. But wait, what's this? 300? That movie actually looks...uhhh...GOOD! Hurray! The summer movie season can't be far behind! Bring on Spiderman 3 and the Transformers! I'll see you at the beach!


3. Daylight savings time begins



Those of us who can't figure out how to actually set our clocks ahead an hour (my damn car stereo confounds me every year!), don't worry, everything will be back to normal in November. My advice: Just leave it. Hey, you left your Christmas lights up didn't you? What's the difference?

4. The subtle shift in targeted advertisements on T.V.


After being force-fed ads for prescription anti-depressants, gym memberships and cigarette-quitting paraphernalia all winter, advertisers are finally starting to roll out their "summer programming". Now they are trying to sell us things like new cars, spring clothing and ummm..gym membershps. Because your rolls of fat don't care what time of the year it is.

5. The guy that plays guitar in front of the liquor store is back.

Temperatures of -30 degrees and six feet of snow are no longer forcing him into self-imposed exile. You can once again enjoy a rambling, off-key rendition of Greensleeves with your brand new bottle of whiskey! Don't forget to throw me some spare change. Errr..I mean HIM...Did I say "me"? Hey, blogging doesn't pay what it used to.