Harry Potter's Final Spell

We open our eyes to the emptiness. A warm wind blows, pregnant with dust, through the deserted streets. Somewhere, a child is crying. Thousands of receipts from alien places litter the road, places like "Barnes and Noble", "Chapters" and "Coles". We snatch one as it flutters by and study it through blood-weary eyes. It says: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. They all do.

So it ends. After nine years, 4085 pages, five feature films and millions of adoring fans, J.K. Rowling has finally laid this seminal series to rest. Teenagers all over the world have sequestered themselves in their rooms today, maintaining their vigil with an almost religious intensity as their final trip to Hogwarts plays itself out. And when the last page has been turned, the final word read, the nuances of the story discussed, blogged, argued over and meditated on, I must ask: What have we learned from Harry Potter? Or perhaps, more importantly: What has Harry Potter taught us about ourselves?

Here I must make a confession...I've never read a single Harry Potter novel. There I said it. As purely a work of literature, they have never really appealed to me much. I cannot deny, however, the impact they have had on the zeitgeist of modern pop culture. So while I am completely unqualified to discuss what the story itself has taught us, I feel I am uniquely qualified, as a self-proclaimed student of pop culture, to point out three of the social revelations Ms. Rowling's opus has shed some bright, blazing wizard light on:

1. Reading is cool

I don't think I'm the only one who harbored some secret fears about the world moving into a post-literate stage of society. With the proliferation of iPods, Facebook, Google searches and reality television, the simple pleasures derived from sitting down with a good book couldn't possibly stand a chance. Why actually go to all the trouble of reading a book when you can just read about it on Wikipedia? Thankfully, the staggering success of these novels and the rock star status earned by their author have not only assuaged these fears, but actually made me hopeful for a literary renaissance, where the paperback replaces the blackberry as the must-have accessory amongst teens.

2. J.K. Rowling is a genius

No one can ever accuse J.K. Rowling of not knowing her audience. In fact, she wrote the book on it. Literally. The good verses evil themes are universal with just enough shades of grey to give it emotional depth. The coming of age story is something just about every pre-teen on the planet can relate to. The archetypal characters are fantastic versions of people that, chances are, most young readers have versions of in their "real" lives. Mix all of these brilliant elements with a story that grows up and becomes more complex as its audience does and you have something that is MUCH more than the sum of its parts. You have a children's epic that will very likely still be relevant when our great-great-great grandchildren learn to read.

3. You are never too old to be a kid again

These books were written for children and young adults. Why is it then, that over the course of the last seven years I saw copies stuffed into suits, jammed into jackets, ogled by octogenarians and poured-over by proud parents? Could it be that the exploits of a boy wizard and his friends have knocked on the door where our inner child lives and asked him to come out and play? I'd like to think so. Books are also a great way to bridge the generation gap. The latest Black Eyed Peas album may be beyond your realm of experience, but Hermione Granger's unrequited love for Harry Potter is something you and your teenage daugter both understand implicitly. Some topics are too important to be left to the mercy of message boards.

So where do we go from here? Is your dog-eared copy of The Deathly Hallows already gathering dust on your bookshelf? Are the early symptoms of HPW (Harry Potter Withdraw) causing you to consider reading the whole damn series again? Never fear! The 13th Monkey has got your back. Might I suggest The Riftwar saga by Raymond E. Feist as your next adventure into magical lands and great fiction. This four book series is the perfect "next step" for young Harry Potter addicts looking for their next "fix".

The only cultural phenomenon of this magnitude that I can think of from my childhood was the original Star Wars trilogy. So here is a word of caution for young Harry Potter fans from someone who has lived through it: Whatever you do, when you "grow up" DO NOT demand a prequal from Ms. Rowling. It will all end in tears.

Site Maintenance...Sort of.

I am posting this for one reason and one reason alone: To get that stupid-ass media player with the Sicko trailer on it off the front page. Don't get me wrong, I've seen the film and it is excellent, but the damned AOL video player that was obviously coded by a bunch of retarded chimps forces my page to jump to it every time it loads.

Most of you mouth-breathing turnip farmers probably didn't even notice.

Well anyway, it's fixed. Don't say I've never done anything for you. By way of thanks, you could always send me money or gushing praise or cheesecake. Mmmmm.....Cheesecake.

In the interest of making sure it's gone for good, I will now provide you with at least six inches of bullshit filler...You're welcome.....

One thing is still certain: You can always count on glam rock bands, flavour of the day one-hit wonders and Billy Corgan for bullshit filler.

Transforming Nostalgia

One of two things can happen when a happy memory from your childhood is recycled, rebuilt, polished and presented as the latest pop culture phenomenon: It can leave you feeling beaten and abused, as if a small precious thing has been taken from you by a schoolyard bully. Or it can rekindle your passion for something that you haven't devoted a lot of thought to in the last twenty-odd years and for a brief, beautiful moment, it can make you feel like a kid again.

Enter Optimus Prime....

When I was about seven years old I had an action figure that looked just like the leader of the heroic Autobots (as pictured above). He was made of solid steel, had genuine rubber tires and I could transform him from a fire-engine-red semi to an intimidating, ass-kicking robot in five seconds with my eyes closed. I never missed an episode of the cartoon series and I remember salivating with prepubescent joy when the Dinobots were introduced. Grasping, as I did in my own seven-year old way that the television series was just a marketing vehicle for the toys and a fully transformable "Grimlock" (The tyrannosaurus rex leader of the Dinobots) would soon be available for purchase. I still have a great memory of my dad taking me to see the original, animated Transformers movie. Buying me a popcorn and suffering through something that must have been completely incomprehensible to him just because he knew I loved the stupid things so much. I know what you're thinking...You're thinking: "Sounds like this guy didn't have a lot of friends when he was a kid". Well, you'd be wrong. I had all the Autobots and most of the Decpticons and a few kids who said they were my friend so they could play with them. Close enough.

Now, re-enter Optimus Prime, over twenty years later....



This Computer Generated, fully articulated, twenty-foot tall Optimus Prime jumped out of my childhood and onto the screen at my local movie theater last night. I have to say, it was a surreal experience. Here were my beloved Autobots in the hands of the guy who directed "Pearl Harbor" and "The Island". Here was a kernel of summer popcorn from the bag of Michael Bay, the master of guilty pleasures. Here was a two hour advertisement for GM vehicles. Here was, perhaps, the most damn FUN I've had at the movies in recent memory. For one hundred and forty four minutes I was seven years old again, giddy with excitement as Optimus Prime and Megatron fought to the death with the fate of the world hanging in the balance. This time, I took my dad and he loved it. I didn't buy him a popcorn though, what am I, made of freakin' money?

Score: 10/12 monkeys